By Ursula Orlando
Most people have been through difficult times at some point in their lives. Some of these times last just for a season, and life returns to normal. Then there are people who have endured more than just difficult times; these people have been touched by suffering or tragedy that seems to have no end. Life will never be the same and they must learn to adjust to the radical changes that have come into their lives. Their belief in God is shaken to its core, and they often wonder why a loving and sovereign God would allow this to happen to them or their loved one. While I cannot fully explain why seemingly senseless and even unspeakably evil things happen to people, I will explore the truth that God is ultimately in control of all things, and embraces those with love that cry out to Him.
One person that had to deal with these kinds of questions is Joni Eareckson Tada. In 1967, at the age of 17, she went swimming in the Chesapeake Bay. Joni was an energetic young woman with her whole life ahead of her, but then the unthinkable happened. Joni dove into the water a healthy and vibrant woman, preparing to enter her first year of college, ironically to be a physical therapist. She came out of the water a quadriplegic having broken her neck, robbed of the use of her hands and legs, and confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life.
Joni, in recounting her story, tells of how she often thought of killing herself in the aftermath of the accident. She would vigorously move her head from side to side hoping to break her neck higher so that she could die. About a year had passed since her accident. Joni was angry with God. Her prognosis after the accident had been bleak and she was devoid of any hope—even the anger dissipated. Despair set in and she refused to participate in physical therapy. She also turned her head away when friends visited.
Hazel, a nurse’s aide from Mississippi, had noticed that Joni was slipping away and tried to get her to talk. She encouraged Joni to cry and that she would wipe away her tears. Joni didn’t want to talk or eat, and proved it when she let the food she was eating dribble out of the side of her mouth. Hazel yelled at Joni, “You get yourself together, girl. Ain’t nothing wrong with you that a good look around this hospital won’t cure.”
Hazel had stirred up resentment in Joni. After Hazel left for the evening, Joni struggled to stop the tears. There was no one there to blow her nose or change her damp pillowcase if she allowed herself to cry. She whispered, “I can’t…I can’t live like this. Please help me.”
It was there in the darkness that something stirred within Joni. Instead of the emotional numbness she had been feeling, hope began to stir within her. It was at that moment that Joni told God that if she could not die, then He needed to show her how to live. God responded to Joni’s heartfelt prayer and set her on a course that would eventually go on to impact thousands upon thousands of people with the knowledge of God’s love and grace.
Joni developed a stronger interest in the Bible and gravitated to the Psalms that offered hope such as Psalm 34:18:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
And there were other passages that really captured the cry and desperation of her heart, such as Psalm 77:7-9, which says:
“Will the Lord reject forever? Will He never show His favor? Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has His promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has He in anger withheld His compassion?”
These verses are just three of the twenty verses in this psalm. The beginning of Psalm 77 opens with the psalmist crying out to God for help, the middle (verses 7-9) questions God, and the psalmist ends with remembering that God is holy, and all the great things He has done, and that He doesn’t forget His people. According to Joni, like the psalmist, her gut-wrenching questions to God turned her heart away from ungodly despair toward a desire to know and understand Him. Through the psalms, Joni searched for God.
Her despair did not disappear right away, but she knew she was moving in the right direction because she said she was moving toward God. Joni says:
“My questions also created a paradox: in the midst of God’s absence, I felt His presence. I found Him after I let go of what I thought He should be. My despair ended up being my ally because through it, He took hold of me.” (Joni Eareckson Tada, When God Weeps, p. 155)
Shortly thereafter, her friends came with Bibles in hand to talk and pray with her. They treated her as a person, and not as a cripple, as they watched football games, and ate pizza together. One day a friend quoted a passage out of the Bible, 1 Thessalonians 5:18, which states:
“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
That sounds great when things are going well, but it is a hard truth to comprehend when things are bad or when tragedy strikes. Joni couldn’t believe her friend was serious, and said that in no way did she feel thankful for her accident. Her friend replied by saying that the passage doesn’t say to feel thanks, but to give thanks; trusting God doesn’t have to do with how one feels, so take a step of faith and do it. I believe that became another turning point for Joni and her relationship with God. During a 2005 interview on Larry King Live, Joni stated that before her accident, following Jesus was just a religion to her, but afterwards she developed a warmer, deeper relationship with Him, and it is that personal relationship with the Lord that has made the difference in her life, and has helped give her a sense of peace and perspective that she otherwise would not have had.
That doesn’t mean that everything is all good and that Joni goes around living as if she were a spiritual giant, or that she is living in denial about the difficult circumstances that she grapples with every day of her life. She is quite open about the fact that there are times when she really struggles with her feelings. Joni does not stop there though. She keeps going back to her trust in the sovereignty of God, knowing that while she cannot fully understand all of the reasons why she is in the state that she is in, she knows that God is using her circumstances for purposes that she certainly is incapable of ever fully understanding, but also in ways that she would have never dreamed of. Joni founded Joni and Friends (JAF) Ministry in 1979 to bring forth the gospel message, and to equip Christ-honoring churches throughout the world to minister to people affected by disabilities. She has learned to paint with her teeth and is the author of over twenty books. Her positive impact on the lives of others cannot be overstated as she has brought the Gospel of Jesus Christ to bear in so many lives.
There are also a number of things that Joni cannot due as a result of her accident over thirty years ago. Joni cannot feel her husband’s hand in hers as they sit together. She cannot walk, swim or ride horses as she did as a young woman. She said she often dreams of dancing. Despite all this, Joni believes that God turned her tragedy into a blessing. Just as Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
Joni’s questions of “why” did not get answered. Instead, God answered with Himself. Joni realized that it wasn’t the “why did this happen” that would comfort her heart. Ultimately it was giving up on trying to figure it all out, and turning to God in her deepest moment of despair and growing in her relationship with God. Though times are still difficult, Joni nevertheless can truly say that God has turned her tragedy into a blessing, and through it all she has come to experience the love of God in a most profound and personal way.
By His Grace,
Ursula Orlando
Closing comments from John:
Dear one, I hope this very brief look at the sovereignty of God and suffering through the life of Joni Eareckson Tada has been a source of edification and encouragement for you. As you can see, there are no simple answers to the topic of suffering and sovereignty. God Himself does not give us any detailed answer either...He simply bids us, and requires us, to trust Him. I have stated before that the absolute sovereignty of God forces us to trust God absolutely. That is never more true in the midst of suffering. Some try to relieve God from any role in the suffering that enters our lives, by claiming that God does not want to bring such things in our lives. Sentiments such as these only make things more difficult though, because if something came into our lives that God did not in some way ordain, then that means that the universe is out of control, and that ultimately there is no purpose for my suffering. To me, that is the unbearable thought; to think that suffering is not ordained by God. If we take hold of the fact though that God is indeed absolutely sovereign, and as such He has ordained all things that come to pass, to include suffering, then we know and can trust that God has a morally sufficient reason for ordaining all that He ordains, and that He is, as the apostle Paul said, "causing all things to work together for good." (Romans 8:28, NAS). Take heart then beloved, and turn to Christ. Set your mind on things above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of the Father (Col 3:1), and remember that the suffering we endure now is nothing to be compared to the glory that will be revealed (Rom 8 :18)
Many blessings,
John Orlando
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